Exile Vilify
by Aqua111
Summary: "My greatest love is also my greatest curse" Pyro's confessions to the Engineer and even more things he has to hide from him.


Comment: I don't even know anymore how I got the idea to that "pairing" (it's not really a pairing since the feelings are one-sided only). Somehow I just listened to "Exile vilify" (thus the title) by The National and suddenly the idea to this story was born.

Team can either be RED or BLU, whatever you prefer. I tried to make it as neutral as possible.

Also, I suck at writing accents so I am sorry if they don't sound strong enough.

**Exile Vilify**

"You fail!"

Those words were still echoing through his mind when Pyro returned to the respawn. Sitting on the bench he kept his gaze on the ground. He could feel the glares on him - there was no need to look up and confirm it.

"You are a failure." That was Scout's voice. "Shall I repeat it so you can write it down and keep it memorized? A failure."

"Only few more seconds and we would have had point. Why you did not go out there?" Heavy grumbled.

A bottle hit Pyro's head. Maybe Demo was too drunk again to form words but he still could aim.

"And that's what happens when you leave the control point in the care of womenfolk or faggots", he heard Soldier's voice. "A real man would have fought and not gone in hiding behind a piece of trash."

"That piece of trash is called a sentry, thank you very much. And he tried to protect it while I was waiting for respawn and y'all were too busy gettin' ya heads bashed in."

The calm voice finally caused Pyro to lift his head. Engineer stood in front of him facing the others, arms crossed in front of his chest.

"He should have thrown the bloody sentry on the point when he was already too afraid to go there", Sniper said.

"Or he should have thrown one of you. As far as I have seen I was the only one at respawn."

"Last I remember we were pushed back by our opponents while this cretin stood behind enemy lines but he just hid like a little girl", Spy said.

"Last I remembered a Spy could get invisible and sneak behind those lines", Engineer countered.

"At least the Spy fought like a man", Soldier said. "Look at him how he is crawling away like a coward. And you really want to waste words and protect him?"

Pyro had gotten up and slowly walked out of the room. As much as he hated leaving his friend in the middle of all of it, he knew exactly that the others would stop as soon as the reason behind it had left. After all they just hated him, the Pyro, not the Engineer. He only threw a brief glance over his shoulder when he heard Engineer saying, "Let him go. It ain't his fault and y'all know it. It's just your frustration speaking. Call it a day, sleep it over, tomorrow y'all see it different."

The door silently closed and now only muffled unintelligible voices were heard on the corridor.

No, they wouldn't see it differently, not tomorrow, not on any other day - at least not in this world, the world that was full of noise, gunfire, blood and hate. Sometimes the colourful world of happiness and protection that others had mockingly called the Pyroland just disappeared, crumbled around him, leaving a world of depression and fear. For reasons unknown to him the people in this world at first were frightened of him but then over time their fear turned into aversion. The Engineer however - if he had ever been afraid he had hidden it quite well. He was always friendly – even more so after he had heard the negative opinions of his team mates on the Pyro – gave him the feeling to be helpful, to be liked, to have a friend.

Back in his room he lit up the fireplace. A while he just spent kneeling on the floor, staring at the flames. There wasn't much furniture around him – sooner or later he would have burned it anyways. Fire was one of the only things in this world that could give him back a bit of the protection from Pyroland. Fire and sentries. And the Engineer. He thought about the times they had spent together, on the battlefield or during their spare time, talking about random nonsense or just enjoying some quiet company. Pyro helped to protect the buildings; in return Engineer tried to protect him as good as possible from the cruelties of this world.

However, it wasn't just friendship that he felt for the Texan. It was a feeling so warm and fuzzy, yet so freezing cold whenever he reminded himself that it wasn't even allowed to exist. A man wasn't allowed to love another man – not like that. Yet it was there, a bittersweet feeling that let him drift in a warm cloud of happiness when they were together but hit him in the face when he had to face the fact that not only it wasn't accepted by society but also he already knew Engineer was into women only. He had talked about it a few times, of course, there was nothing to hide. Pyro on the other hand always had stayed quiet about his love life. His friend might have found it strange at first but he never probed him and soon saw it as a given thing.

The fire had already burned down a long time ago before he finally snapped out of his thoughts. It was getting late and he could really need some sleep or else he would give the others even more reasons to bash him when he screwed up again.

Today had been a good day. Nearly no lost missions, a lot of team coloured control points decorated the landscape and they had captured the intelligence so often they were now able to build a fortress made of briefcases (which Scout also had tried to do until Spy had shooed him to the next mission).

"See, I told ya they'd be different today", Engineer said to Pyro while they were walking through the corridors. "Give 'em a good night's sleep and some winnin' matches and they forget why they were even mad at you."

Pyro mumbled something. Most people wouldn't understand him but after such a long time with him Engineer had become quite good at figuring out what his friend just said. Right now it sounded like, "It's only for now. They will always hate me as long as they are afraid of me."

"It's probably just the mask. Take it off and even if you are butt-ugly that will only cause a few laughs. Or they'd just run away. Leave it on and they will be afraid of what you're hidin' from them."

"I haven't taken it off in front of someone for years. There never was anyone I trusted."

His steps became slower until he completely came to a halt. Engineer stopped as well as soon as he noticed his friend stayed behind and looked at him wonderingly.

"Somethin' wrong?"

Pyro only made a gesture telling Engineer to follow him. He led him to a nearby small storage room with just enough space left that two strangers could stand in there without feeling awkward, then he locked the door behind them. The Texan sat down on an overturned storage locker and gave him an expectant look. It wasn't much of a surprise anymore, his friend had those times in which he just seemed to be in his own little land, but he still was curious what it was about this time. The lights were switched off and a silent rustling noise was heard before Pyro sat down beside him.

"I … I'm sorry if this is uncomfortable but … it has to be. I still don't feel well getting it off in public."

It was Pyro's voice but though silent it was clear and understandable now, not muffled by a gas mask anymore.

Engineer's jaw dropped and for a little while he just stared into the pitch-blackness at where his friend was sitting unable to find any words.

"Then please don't do it", was the first he brought out again. "I am the last one who would force you to."

"But you're … my best friend, maybe even the only friend I ever had. I wanted you to at least hear my voice. And somehow show you why I am wearing this mask."

A hand touched Engineer's left arm, slowly wandered down until it found his hand. For a moment Pyro was just silently holding his hand as if he hesitated but after Engineer didn't withdraw he took a deep breath and brought it to his face.

For a split second he had to fight the reflex to just pull his hand back. Was that even human skin he was touching? But only his fingers twitched, then he had himself under control again. Part of what he felt was smooth, way too smooth for normal skin, therefor other parts were rough, leathery and scarred.

"Those are … burn marks. My greatest love is also my greatest curse."

Engineer noticed the small hesitation when Pyro mentioned the burn marks. Was he just too shy to admit the obvious or did he first have to make something up so he could hide that there actually was more than meets the eye – or meets the hand in this case. Rather the first one. He probably wouldn't have let him touch if he had a terrible disease and Engineer nearly laughed at the thought his friend was actually some kind of … lizardman or alien – just nearly though; he bit back his laugh because he didn't want Pyro to believe he was laughing at his scars.

"I appreciate your trust in me."

"And I want to thank you for being my friend. And for not running away from my butt-ugliness", Pyro silently chuckled. "If we were kids we would now probably cut our thumbs and press them together to swear blood brotherhood."

"But we're adults and instead you're pressin' my hand against your face."

He felt how his grip loosened and his hand was slowly put down again.

"Well … now you know something about me. Maybe one day I will actually show you."

"You don't need to. Not as proof for friendship or anythin'."

"I know. Thanks again. For … for everything."

He could feel Pyro holding on to his shoulder when he stood up, a light touch on his helmet, then it seemed as if he was standing safe enough to let go. Another rustling was heard and seconds later the lights were turned back on, the brightness burning painfully in Engineer's eyes and he only could let them open long enough to see Pyro unlock the door again, gas mask on his head as usual and as if he never had removed it.

Soldier stared at them as if he had seen a ghost when they came out of the small and previously locked storage room.

"What the hell were you doing in there?"

"Screwin'", Engineer said and tossed him one of the light bulbs he had found in the storage. "Namely bulbs into their sockets. And I think we're out of them. Both, the bulbs and the sockets."

He let out a loud laugh when they left the gawking Soldier behind. "Guess he will think twice who he calls a faggot next time."

Pyro just lightly smiled. If Engineer had seen it he probably would have asked why it looked so saddened and pained.

'My greatest love is also my greatest curse' – he hadn't just meant the fire when he said that. His hand on his cheek, a brief kiss on his helmet – that was the best he could allow himself and it most likely was a one-time experience. It had to stop, for the sake of both of them. It was slowly tearing him apart and letting his feelings out would have resulted in nothing; or worse in the risk of losing a friend. He loved him and that was why he had to let him go.


End file.
